I was a combo of mortified and choking back tears and snorts of laughter when I stumbled upon my dear, sweet, innocent (ha!) two year old daughter yesterday morning in the backyard with Gunny.
Here's the scene: I'm recreating this mainly for me because I'm going to need to relive this in my hormonal, sleep deprived state shortly to realize this is exactly why I am here.
Me: ::Loading the breakfast dishes in the washer. I hear her open the slider and go outside with the dog and think nothing of it. Finish up wiping the counter and realize there has been two solid minutes of pure silence. Something is fishy, utter silence is impossible around here. I walk to the slider and peek outside::
F: ::PJ pants left just outside the slider door and princess panties dropped about 4 feet beyond the PJs::
Me: ::Eyes follow the PJs and the drawers, eyes get big and blank stare appears when I see naked buns squatting just beyond the patio on the edge of the grass.::
Oh honey, WHAT are you doing?
::no use, she's already done::
F: Mommy, Gunny went potty. ::Pointing to puddle just under her. Gunny is on the opposite side of yard contently chewing on a toy::
Me: Baby girl, are you sure that Gunny went potty right there? Look, he's playing with his toy.
F: ::cocks her head and looks up at me only with her eyes::
No Mommy, I went peepee.
::Finished off with a very pompous shiteating grin::
Me: Oh F, you know you are supposed to go potty on the toilet only. Doggies go potty outside in the yard. Are you a doggy?
F: No, mommy. ::very matter-of-factly:: Gunny is the doggy.
It took just about every ounce of my hugely pregnant self to not lose in front of her. Think middle school aged boy farting during a test to get a rile out of the class, I was beet red and had tears. I walked in the house and lost my mind. How in the world does a TWO year old know to blame the dog on something she knows is wrong? Why am I laughing and how am I really going rationalize this with her? Other than the fact that my mind might be that of a 12year old boy, I got nothing.
You think we can pull this story out again when she's 16 in front of her boyfriend or the first time she thinks that her uber-cool parents are embarrassing?
You can bet your ass on it. This one is being filed for future use.